My daughter loved to play with her dad’s James Brown singing doll. When her constant button pushing short circuited her Rock N Roll Elmo, we put Ole’ James out of reach.
These days we bring James out occasionally. But my toddler doesn’t enjoy dancing to it as much. She’s too worried about the exact moment that James will go back on the shelf.
She wants to get in there for a final button push before James disappears. Her concerns about the future ruin the present.
Since when do you have to teach a toddler how to have a good time?
I found my daughter’s behavior peculiar at first. We have to teach our children to work, but certainly not to play.
But as a mom, I too sometimes fail to recognize the great things that are happening right now. My daughter has cuddled next to me and I thought:
• Oh no, is she getting another cold?
• In a few years, she’ll be too big for me to carry.
• When she’s a teen, she won’t want to be seen with me in public.
Living in the moment means staying on the right channel.
We can think of parenting—and our lives generally—as a television. It’s a challenge, but imagine that television only has three channels.
Channel 1 is the past. Channel 2 is the present. Finally, Channel 3—the one many moms spend too much energy on—is the future.
Don’t hang out on Channel 1—The Past
It’s good, even wise, to learn from the past. But it’s not a good place to put on your house shoes and flop on the couch.
If my child snuggles up to me, I should assume it’s because I’m fabulous. She loves me. I shouldn’t start checking her forehead for fever.
If I get the smothered potatoes right, I don’t need to wallow on the times they came out wrong. I also don’t need to apologize for the greasy, sticky taters of the past.
Stop turning to Channel 3—The Future
But parents are supposed to think about their child’s future, right? The answer is absolutely ‘yes’. And the answer is absolutely ‘no’.
I can contribute to my child’s college fund. I can raise her with an eye towards becoming a productive adult. If I had the inclination, I suppose I could dream about my daughter’s wedding day.
What I can’t do is zap energy from the present to loan to the future. The future never pays you back. Once that energy is gone, it’s gone for good.
Keep the tube on Channel 2—The Present
This is where you want to hang out to experience the full fruits of parenthood.
On Channel 2 you can enjoy a hug from your child. You can accept a compliment on your cooking, new haircut, or the way you managed that big project.
But you’re tempted to turn to those other channels.
Suppose your child gets an A in a class that they have struggled in. Do you really want to turn to Channel 1? And dig up every poor assignment or failed test?
A switch to Channel 3 isn’t much better. Either you demand high marks for the rest of the year, or you see that A in biology as proof that your child is headed for medical school.
Stay on Channel 2. Perhaps offer your child some hit-and-run praise. Do whatever it takes to stay in this moment, right here, right now.
To my readers: How do you live in the moment? Which channel do you frequent the most? Have you tried hit-and-run praise with your kids?
Awesome, awesome post. My kids always worry about the future and I don’t mean years down the road I mean just hours which is crazy. Typically it happens when we arrive somewhere because the first thing they ask is when we are leaving. They worry about the end before it even starts which to me is crazy. I want them to live in the moment and have a great day and not worry about when it is going to come to an end because I feel like when they do that they really aren’t enjoying themselves because all they are worried about is when we are going to tell them it is time to go. I sometimes do the same thing as an adult but I try to live in the moment the best I can but I am sure I could do a better if I tried a little harder.
Thanks for this post and for making us look at ourselves as people. Great post!
Rob recently posted..It’s Time to Fight Against Flu Season
We have a saying here in our home: Be Where Your Hands Are. It’s simple and reminds us to live NOW…..yesterday is goine and tomorrow hasn’t happened.
SoberJulie recently posted..The Scoop 2-Way Brewer – Hamilton Beach Coffee Maker Extraordinaire
so very true and I tend to live in the moment with my kids we love having fun
Tricia Nightowlmama recently posted..HoneyBaked Meals, Catering and Sandwiches!! #HoneybakedBloggers
I always let my kids be kids and do the best they can without pushing too hard to discourage, but enough so they they slack
I’m guilty of this all of the time… mainly because my life has played out as “enjoy this moment, regret it later”. Not because I do anything in particular, but as soon as something good happened, something bad followed. I got used to it. Now, I playe and enjoy spending time with my daughter. It’s not a subconscious thing, I have to purposely stay on Channel 2.
April recently posted..Can’t Miss this Sale!