It’s been more than a week and my irritation has only started to wane. While I deserve an apology from every mother I know, I am no longer holding my breath for it. I’ll explain more on that later. First I have to tell you about something very special that happened last Saturday.
My daughter had a birthday party to attend–actually it was her third party this month. What made this party extra special was that it was a swim party. I refused to let her sit poolside. I began to prepare weeks in advance for what would be her very first swim.
I Googled. I asked other moms. I checked out the message boards. What are the proper safety measures for an 18-month old? Correction, an 18-month old who has never even seen a pool.
I had to get something for myself too. The maternity swimsuits were either hideous or hideously expensive. I managed to find something on the clearance rack that didn’t make me look like a beach ball.
The big day arrived and we were ready.
My daughter loved the one-foot toddler pool because she could still walk around. She didn’t mind getting splashed, which I am told is half the battle of teaching little ones to swim. Inspired, I took her to the 3-foot pool.
That swim vest wouldn’t let her float upright. It kept forcing her to float on her back, which she didn’t like one bit. She fussed, flailed her arms, and grabbed me around the neck so tight I couldn’t breathe.
At some point I accepted the reality that my daughter would not take to the water like an Olympian on the first day. We got out of the pool. This is where I got mad at every mother I’ve ever known, whether family member or stranger at the sporting goods store where I purchased that darn swim vest.
My daughter’s diaper had exploded. She was covered in little bits of clear jelly. The security guard warned that she could not get back in the pool. As if we were getting back in there with baby girl looking like a giant Hello Kitty snow cone.
Why didn’t anyone tell me that they are supposed to wear special swim diapers? Do you think anyone else’s child looked like two pounds of crushed ice? No!
I’ve got some theories on why no one clued me in. Other moms don’t like me. They want to see me fail. No one told them about the swim diaper so they figured they wouldn’t save me the heartache.
On the flip side, maybe other moms do like me–I’m cool beans. Maybe they don’t live to laugh at my goof ups. Maybe the moms in my life just plain forgot about this minute part of motherhood. Kind of like they forgot to tell me that my daughter would pluck out her own hair bands and chew them like bubble gum. And I forgot to tell my friend not to put wet burp cloths in the laundry basket. Hello mold.
The day wasn’t a total bust. We spent the rest of the party under a canopy, while baby girl danced, blew kisses, and just basically charmed everyone.
As we headed home, I peeked in her goodie bag for snacks to steal. What did I find? A swim diaper of course.
Ever experienced an exploding diaper? What little tidbits of advice do you have for the rookie moms out there? Do you ever steal treats from your child’s goodie bag?
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